i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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