Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
