the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just sucked dick on a ferry
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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