Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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