Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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