I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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