Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
