I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
