It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
4 words: hood of his car
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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