All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
