I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
