This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
