Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
