when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize