Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
