just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
