Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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