I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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