I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
