Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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