I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
