He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
