Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
