Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
