I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
