My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
