I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
