I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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