She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
