New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
