I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
