i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
