somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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