Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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