So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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