My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
