the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
