i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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