My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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