Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
