from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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