OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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