I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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