nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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