successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
