i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
