did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
