I think i peed on brittanys purse
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
