I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
