I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
