Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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