just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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