Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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