All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
