All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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