Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dicks are not precious.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
