she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
