So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
