Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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